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AIDS.’ So I never took AZT or any other medications for AIDS. No protease inhibitors, no cocktails, no nothing. And after watching my friends in the residential treatment center all die from taking AZT, I swore I never would.”
On the surface it may seem like Jeff’s HIV-Positive diagnosis turned his life around, for the better; and to a certain extent, that’s true. There’s no question that it woke him up and forced him to change his behavior and his lifestyle, served as the catalyst for him to go clean and sober, and focused his energies and talents to start getting things done in his life.
But there’s definitely a dark side as well. As Jeff put it, “When you’re told you’re HIV-Positive, you’re handed the complete package. It affects every aspect of your life.”
For the first year after his positive blood tests, Jeff was so depressed he had to start taking antidepressant drugs, like Zoloft. When the side-effects of the drugs got to be intolerable – dry mouth, dizziness, nausea, and general malaise – he had to quit them as well.
For Jeff, however, the hardest thing about being diagnosed as HIV-Positive is the fear. “It’s overwhelming at first. You’re always wondering, if you’re not feeling well, is this going to be it? If you get a blemish or a mark on you, you wonder if you’re going to die from that. You’re afraid of the least little thing, and worried that ‘today might be the day.’”
“It’s impossible to plan anything in your life when you’re told you’re going to die. What are you going to plan for? How can you make a commitment to other people for any time in the future? If I want to change jobs, I have to be very careful. What would happen if they find out I have HIV? How tolerant will they be if I get sick? Would I

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